They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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