Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
