Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
