I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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