I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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