I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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