i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
