I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
