Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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