apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
