Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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