i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
