dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
