i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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