What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
