oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
