I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
