well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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