so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
