I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
