he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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