i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
