def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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