just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
