I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want her autograph on my taint
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
