Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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