So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
