I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize