I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
