May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
