I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
