There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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