Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
