mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
