1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
