i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
