Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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