at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
