I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
