If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
