apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
