Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
