A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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