Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
