I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize