If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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