I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
