I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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