so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
