remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
