Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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