Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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