Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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