You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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