need another drink. this is the easiest way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
