I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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