and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
