i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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