you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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