This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
