did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
