he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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