dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
