There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
