So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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