God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
