I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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