so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
