do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
