Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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