I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
