I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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