Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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