shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
