either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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