they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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