wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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