if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
