Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
