i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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