New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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